The query letter is the first thing the agent sees when you ask them to consider your book. There are a few different parts to the query letter, but I especially need help deciding on the summary portion of my query letter that tells the agent what the book is about. So far I have two options, and I would really love to hear what you guys think, so cast your votes at the bottom of this post. Right now, I think I'm leaning towards option #1, but I could really use a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. opinion. And as always, if you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them!
Summary Option #1:
Desire is illegal. People don’t need food to survive. No one can have more than two children. Some can fly. Others have special abilities. All because of the Desiderium. The Desiderium always appear to be perfectly normal—until they desire something with every fiber of their being and it actually happens. Then they’re killed.
Like everyone else, Rhiley Winters refuses to let herself feel desire until she meets Isaak and time literally stands still around them. After one remarkable night together, she blurts out the secret she’s been guarding for years—the secret that could have her thrown in jail. Then the Desiderium is killed and everything changes. As Rhiley struggles to survive in a world in which husbands and wives, fathers and sons, and brothers and sisters turn on each other at the slightest suspicion, she begins to realize that things aren't always what they seem.
Summary Option #2:
DESIDERIUM takes place in a world where one person has the power to change anything by simply desiring it with every fiber of their being. Society will stop at nothing to be protected from the Desiderium, who they fear more than anything. After all, the ones they've already killed were responsible for strictly controlling people’s weight, how many children they can have, what kind of businesses they can run, and what kind of cars they can drive.
Like everyone else, Rhiley Winters refuses to let herself feel desire until she meets Isaak and time literally stands still around them. Rhiley is desperate to figure out his secret, but can she bear to tell him hers? Especially with the government monitoring their every desire. Can she survive in a world in which husbands and wives, fathers and sons, and brothers and sisters turn on each other at the slightest suspicion? As she struggles to survive and keep her secrets from the government, she begins to realize that things aren't always what they seem.
I personally like #2, but #1 is really good too!
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